Legend of Lost Kiwanis Gold

At the Kiwanis meeting on Wednesday, our treasurer announced that the club had received a bill for safety-deposit box rental from Kennett National Bank.  This was the first billing she had received for the box.  She was not aware that we even had such a box and wondered what was in it.  It developed that nobody present (including many long-time members and officers) knew that we had such a box, much less had any idea what it contained.  The whereabouts of the key was an equally perplexing mystery.

Someone suggested that perhaps it might contain the title to our Boy Scout trailer, but why would we need a lockbox for that? Even more importantly, how could we be satisfied with such a mundane explanation?  I, for one, demand a little more creativity in speculation, if not in the actual facts.

A much more interesting (and plausible, in my opinion) explanation presented itself almost immediately.  Fred was the Kiwanis treasurer in perpetuity (well, almost… for over ten years, anyway) and he worked at the Kennett National Bank.  Now suppose for a moment that Fred had some valuable illicit property that he wished to conceal (Confederate gold bullion and Jesse James’ left-hand gun, for instance).  He could hardly put the box in his own name: it might be accessed by his wife, or discovered by G-men (government agents).  Ah, but he’s the Kiwanis treasurer, so leasing a box for Kiwanis would seem perfectly natural to the bank’s administration.  Then he simply pays the rent for years in advance so that no bills ever come to the club to raise any questions.   Fred died suddenly and the secret of the box went to the grave with him… that is, until now.  The prepaid rent finally ran out and Kiwanis receives this bill for box rental.

I put forth this theory and was not surprised that some found it risible.  However, William (who also works at Kennett National Bank) hastily rose from the table and left the meeting early, mumbling something about a customer waiting. 

We should have followed him.  That box will be as  empty as Al Capone’s vault.  Where is Geraldo Rivera when you need him?

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